Hello all! It has been awhile. I hope you are safe and being good to yourself. It may be difficult to imagine what being good to yourself actually entails under our current circumstances, however, try to find something that makes your soul smile. I must say that to be on this side of the earth is a huge blessing for me. My departure from social media was needed. It was imperative that I took a step back. Personal struggles with depression, anxiety, pain and setbacks in my physical health overwhelmed me. The devastation from the Coronavirus and the trauma I experienced watching the killing of George Floyd catapulted me into a cycle of grief that I couldn’t withstand. Social media outlets heightened my angst and literally usurped all of my attention.
I have always been an intuitive, emotive individual. I feel everything. I believe there is a connection between having a congenital heart condition and the way in which I perceive and experience the world around me. I live from my heart and it is my greatest blessing. Honestly, it is also my cross to bear. Reactive to both internal and external stimuli, there is no such thing as turning my emotions off. I often liken my mind to the energizer bunny because it keeps going and going. Anxiety and depression are deceptive. They appear like thieves in the night, guiding you ever so gently down the stairwell of dread and into the belly of darkness. I use the word gently because in their mastery, they deceived me into believing I had a handle on them. I was good at practicing self-care and I convinced myself they wouldn’t become residents in my mind. Unbeknownst to me, there was a high-speed train coming my way.
As an advocate, leader and speaker, authenticity is required. I don’t know how to be anyone other than me and the emotional toll can get heavy. To give of oneself is courageous, but to reach a point of depletion is dangerous. I was on the precipice of decline. Thankfully, I have a great support system. My husband who is also my care partner was with me every step of the way, nursing me back to health both physically and emotionally. My family, close friends and communities provided great comfort. Most importantly, I was able to look inside my heart and mind to know that I needed time to myself. To center my energy without the noise while processing all that encompassed me.
All the while, my advocacy and activism continued. My work and mission have not stopped. My commitment to health equity, racial and social justice is going full speed ahead. My advice is to take care of yourself first and foremost. Stand for justice and equality. Examine yourself and figure out how you can be the change you want to see.
My return is timely. I am not here for the sensationalism of words nor am I a keyboard bully who says much and does nothing. With that being said, these next few months will be busy as I share projects and incentives I am working on while still managing chronic illness and chronic pain. I realized my truth a long time ago. I love to talk, yet I am equally as powerful doing the work I speak about. Silence is not my option.
To all that reached out and kept in touch, I appreciate you more than you know. Those prayers, calls, cards, texts, flowers and acts of kindness held me down. My spirit is recharged and I am ready to go.
Now I think I’m able to carry on
It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come, oh yes, it will.”
(Sam Cooke – A Change Is Gonna Come)